Loneliness? - Solitude? - Insitutionalized?

The most talked/discussed and perhaps the most shitty phase one experiences {atleast most of the world believes the same.}

Loneliness aka running short of souls around you to support or atleast converse when you need them the most, lost someone precious who took you to the tip of bliss and a delicate piece of shit made you fall right down on your face. Friends, lovers, so called "Gf/Bf" {God, I hate those words} stuff, every person whom you were deeply hooked on to, left within a blink of an eye. Nothing left but tears to wipe out and all the time in the world to think about the heavenly spent past. An emotional stage of the soul which is utterly suffering from the lack of love and care which was once glued to it, that later got brutally snatched. Hmm... yeah!

There may also be a kind of loneliness which you may feel even if you're amidst your best of friends, having fun and laughing with them but still somewhere inside you feel that you're alone. But then thats not "loneliness" et all, its just a feeling of "discontentment" as if something is missing from that particular scene. Also, the loneliness which generally one feels in certain mood swings is nothing but idiotic state of mind. Because if its "actually" there, then the strokes aren't just limited to mood swings and rather injects pain each moment of the day while you try hard breathing. I've always believed that mental suffering is anytime worst than anything else in this world, and loneliness proudly farts amongst the top list in this genre.
Now, in order to cope up with the actual "loneliness", its amply credible that one may lead to some primary stages of depression. None of us here want to be alone or feel melancholy even for a second, we hate it in true sense when loneliness actually strikes. But as time passes and things ought to remain the same, its then when we start getting used to it. It doesnt hurts as much like before, you start conceding yourself that maybe things were meant to be the same way. You start compromising with your fate, accepting the facts and realities. The mourning sessions in need of others start cutting down and comes up only at times.
And if things still keep surviving in the same manner, after a time there comes a phase when Solitude takes over. Solitude is far much different from loneliness. Loneliness is the phase where deficiency of people around hurts you, and you want to get over it asap. But solitude is the situation when one "itself" decides that he/she doesnt needs ANYONE anymore. Its a self decision of getting secluded from people. A period when you just decide to let everyone and everything go off. It can also be achieved when at times we just feel to cast-away ourselves from others. Also termed as a fact that maybe at times you just want to get away, just to be YOURSELF.

As brilliantly articulated by German philosopher Paul Tillich, “Language... has created the word loneliness to express the "pain" of being alone. And it has created the word solitude to express the "glory" of being alone. ”

Here, I am trying to peep into the reason why all such solitude may occur, few of the reasons are aforesaid. The other which i would light up is actually my current scene, and it can be truly asserted from the word Institutionalized.

You might remember like Red says in The Shawshank Redemption regarding jail "...these walls are funny. First you hate 'em, then you get used to 'em. Enough time passes, it gets so you depend on 'em. That's 'institutionalized'..."

My opting for solitude occurred because of getting enough continuous hammering of "actual loneliness" till a LONG time that too when I lusted others exceedingly. The intravenous injections of hard drugs in form of pain and lack of love kept me blue till a long time. Later, when i flushed off my tears, there came a time when I got used to all the loneliness, but NOW its like I've got dependent on 'em. Aka, the craving for solitude took birth here. Being reclusive has taken off till a large extent, one can term myself as a Loner till far-off. Honestly, I was one maybe in the past too and capturing of solitude always turned me on in regular intervals, but NOW its like... it has shaped up into a full time business. The mind phase inside has gone, gone far ahead from all the usual socializing shits. Dont consider me into depression or grief, I've gone far ahead in that chase. Fly, fly, fly, fly, fly.....

The seclusion or loneliness which once may have felt agonizing has now reverted into a sweet pain. So if this solitude is sweet, I always needed a soul to share the pleasure of it, thus I just got committed to myself and the search which was in others, ended on ME. Like always I came to my rescue again. :)

I don't know whether its correct or not but I am dead sure I aint gonna return from the journey anywhere in near future, or maybe forever. This Christmas, I didn't asked God for ANYONE or any sort of happiness or heavenly bliss... but I just prayed him to grant me with enough strength to fight with everything around, which includes myself too. I wish he listens to atleast this one. :)

P.S.- I still can puke out zillion more words on all this, but i guess this much of shit will be enough to calm down my psychic brain for the moment. :P